Hello little girl.......

There was a strange man standing outside my daughters school today offering the children lollies. Turns out he was an English cricketer. Poor old poms. They keep inventing games that the rest of the world end up thrashing them at. If I was England I would take the high ground. Just stop playing rugby, cricket and football. Pack it in and refuse to play at an international level. Tell the rest of the world 'Hey we thought it up, and we had some fun but quite frankly we're bored now and it is showing in the way we play, so we're off to think up something else that all you losers will adopt as your national sport in the years to come.'
The international cricket community will be having a chuckle at the Poms and their on field sweetie incident. But not in New Zealand. Down there the Black Caps would love to have a pocket full of Jelly Beans. They get p[aid peanuts at the moment.

Rehab rewards. The scheme for heavy users

As if poor old Lindsay Lohan didnt have enough problems it now appears she is addicted to rehab. That would explain why she keeps going back. Each time she comes out she says that is it. She's clean. But then she slides right back in. And I see the attraction. It's like a hotel without the temptaion of a mini bar. I also understand they dont mark up the phone calls in rehab. What's not to love?
So it looks like Linsay could soon be back in again, racking up more points on her Rehab Rewards card.
But is rehab really the answer this time Linsay?
Do you think the DA will fall for the whole, 'Dont send me to jail what I really need is a 30 dasy in rehab.'

That wont wash girlfriend. Rehab dont work for you and they know it. I'm afraid they are planning on throwing the book at you this time and I'm not talking about the book called 'Picking roles in movies that dont suck!' which is one that you obviously havent read.

I have been talking with some lawyers in LA and we think we can cut you a new deal with the DA that will keep you out of jail. Offer to never act in a move again. Obviously you'll still be allowed to do tv commercials in the US and mexican soaps and be the hostess on Latvian Game Shows, so you wont go hungry. But no more movies. That is the promise you have to make us. Not so much me but the more inocent trusting types who see your name and face on every magazsione they ever pick up and stupidly think that becasue you are famous and an actress you must also be a good actress who does good films.
Lindsay this is your chance to spare more suffereing adn I think if you announced this move you would be overwhelmed with the support you would recieve from the movie goign public.

English PM does Bush doggie style

Sorry, that title is me trying to write the kind of headline the English tabloids use on their front page. Those writers are geniuses. No wonder they don’t work in advertising. So Brown has met Bush. I think it would have been cool if Brown had walked into Bush’s office at Camp David. Preferably with the James Bond soundtrack playing in the background. And tossed a small box across the table. Bush opens the box and nestled on a purple silk cushion is a bright red leather dog collar studded with tiny diamantes.
Bush would have looked at it and not got the joke. He would have looked over to Condi who would have shrugged her shoulders pretending she didn’t get the point. Then all eyes would have focused back on Mr. Brown.
‘That……’ (He would add a small pause for effect here)
… belonged to Blair…. (Another pause),
You can have it back now.’
Brown will be at pains to let the English punters know he isn’t going to be Bush’s Poodle but I wonder what goes on behind closed doors. Now they have had their first meeting I am sure the yanks have laid it out to Brown and explained just how things work in the big bad world. Of course Brown isn’t going to be Bush’s Poodle. He doesn’t look anything like a Poodle. Basset Hound is my guess. He’s got the ears.

The forgotten victims of 911

Remember the way the twin towers came down. Everyone commented on the fact that it looked just like one of those building demolition jobs. Maybe it was. That’s what films like Loose Change allude to. But if it wasn’t, and if two planes flew into the towers and a few hours later they came straight down, then how do all the guys in the building demolition business feel?
Like losers that’s how.
These guys charge big money convincing people that what they do is an art form. That you have to spend days calculating the exact amount of explosives and the exact place to put them to ensure the building will come straight down without damaging the surrounding property. But turns out it aint that hard. You just fly a plane into the side of a building and wait an hour or two and she’ll come down neat as you like. One plane per building is all you need. It’s quick, efficient and with the number of airlines going out of business these days I don’t think it would be that hard to get an old passenger jet for a bargain price. As if that wasn’t damaging enough to the egos of the men in the building demolition industry consider World Trade Centre Building 7. You might not have heard much about building 7. It was only about 48 stories high. But about 5.30pm September 11 she came down too. Again, straight down without damaging the US Post office that was right next door. Now this building wasn’t even hit by a plane. Sure some bits of the World Trade Centre fell on it and it caught fire on a few floors but this was only the 3rd steel framed building in the history of the world to collapse after a fire. The other two being World Trade Centre 1 & 2. Look up 911 building 7 on google; there is a very interesting film with footage that most of the news networks never played. But hey, this story isn’t about conspiracies. But if I was making another 911 conspiracy doco and needed funding I would ring building demolition companies and ask them to stump up the cash, cause if anyone is going to be happy to prove that the World Trade Centre buildings we bought down by explosives it’s them.