Frisbee finale and other sad endings

The inventor of the Frisbee died last week and I was overcome with the kind of emotions that I felt in 2006 when the inventor of instant noodles died. These people were behind two of the great inventions of the second half of the 20th century, and their passing should be a world event.
I think the noodle guy should have had 2 minutes of silence around the globe, at the end of which, everyone should have saluted the moment with the noodles of their choice. Most likely chicken or chicken and corn. Probably not spicy shrimp so much.
For the Frisbee man I am thinking he should be cremated and the ashes mixed into a paste and compressed into a Frisbee, which would then be thrown off a cliff, into the water.
My other idea was that the ashes are mixed with crushed dog biscuits and the Frisbee is thrown in a park by a man wearing mirrored sunglasses, a toweling headband, really tight white shorts and a yellow singlet. The dog would catch the Frisbee then be allowed to eat it.
For me this kind of tribute would be similar in style to that of Gene Rodenberry, the creator of Star Trek. His ashes were taken into space on one of the space shuttles and released.
The inventor of the post it note must be getting on. We should start planning his passing now. How about a giant post it note, so big it can be seen from space. It could be spread out somewhere that isn’t used much, like Hong Kong Disneyland, and the people of the world could go there and sign it.
The inventor of the Honey Bear, the creator of Pac man, Velcro shoes, and the brains behind the abdominisor. They’ll all kick it in the coming years and we need to think about how we’ll honor the huge effect they have had on our lives.
Start planning people.

Nuts bollocks

I like nuts. Not only a good source of protein, but a dam good snack. In these carb conscious times you can rest easy with a bowl of nuts.
I like all kinds of nuts, but my favourite would have to be cashews. They taste better than peanuts. Maybe that’s why they cost a little more?
Peanuts are like your working class nut, but cashews are a little more up market.
And cashews are personalised. Not like peanuts that all pretty much look the same.
A cashew isn’t afraid to be a little chunky at one end or have a smaller bend. I admire their individuality.
Don’t get me wrong, peanuts are great. I’m just saying, a cashew is a bit more exotic. If there were two hot chicks in a bar, the peanut would be the local girl and the cashew would be from a former eastern block country, but with a decent grasp of English and not a hooker.
Almonds are nice, macadamias are ok, but the nut that wouldn’t be on my list if the wife said ‘I am planning a big party for you and you can invite 10 of your best friends and 4 of your favourite nuts’ is the pistachio. Those little suckers are just too much hard work. ‘An interactive nut’ That’s probably how the Pistachio nut growers would describe them. You have to jam your fingernail into the little gap in the shell. And sometimes you can’t find a gap so you toss the thing back in the bowl, but invariably end up plucking it out again a few minutes later. When you do get one open, what are you left with?
A shriveled up little thing that’s smaller than a peanut.
If scientists did the research, I’m sure they would find you burn more calories getting the suckers out of their shells than you get from eating them.
Maybe they should be sold as the dieters nut. Bet it would become popular with those eastern block models.

Elton John. The bumblebee of pop

Based on its design, the experts that know about these things, say a bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly. But it does.
I was thinking about this while I watched Elton John perform live at The Emerities Palace last night. As a rule I don’t go to see performances by people who have a first name as a surname but the ticket was free, so what ya gonna do?
They had a camera set up on the edge of the piano giving the audience a wicked close up shot across the piano keys and the thing that really stood out was just how chubby and short Elton’s fingers were. It was like looking at a close up shot of a hobbits hand. How could those little fingers master a keyboard so well? The scientists and I don’t have a clue but they did.
Elton is getting on now, and so is his audience, which may have explained the lack of energy in the crowd, but it was a good show. Elton’s drummer looks a lot like Oliver Stone and Elton is looking more and more like Dame Edna without the wig every year. Dame Edna without the wig is Barry Humphries I guess, so I could say Elton looks like Barry wearing silly glasses.
By the way, in case you were thinking about it, Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. Not only because it is as cold as hell, but apparently the school fees are astronomical.