A whale of a time in the Antarctic.

‘They started it!’ That seems to be the vibe coming from the Japs and Sea Shepard (the Greenies with attitude outfit).
Sea Shepard were complaining that the Japs were shooting at them, the Japs say they threw sound-emitting ‘warning balls’ and the Japs also claim the Sea Shepard posse, threw rotten butter and bottles containing an unidentified liquid…. Rotten butter? What’s up with that? Did they take a whole lot that they bought cheap on E bay or was it butter that became rotten while they were out at sea. How does butter go rotten? Cause you have so much you don’t get round to eating it all? Those Sea Shepard dudes are so busy saving the planet, no one has thought to save their arteries I’m guessing.
But come on Japanese whalers. A few pounds of rotten butter hits your little blood soaked floating harpoon platform. So what? In the words of Chopper Reid, harden the fuck up. Going crying to the world press because some expired dairy products get biffed at you, is hardly in the Samurai tradition is it?
As for the unidentified liquid, I, like you, naturally assumed it was wee,because that is the grossest thing I could think of. Almost as gross as standing knee deep in whale guts and blubber.

But back to the sound-emitting ‘warning balls’. Wonder what sound they make - ‘Fuck Off, Fuck Off, Fuck Off? or “This is a Warning! In a ball shaped device." It is very sci fi, I’d like to see one of those.
The photo in the newspaper was of three Japanese men in black swat team outfits. One had just thrown a sound-emitting warning ball, and the other two? Well they were video taping the thrower which when you think about it, is just reinforcing the whole Jap tourist thing.
How embarrassing.
Personally, I think if the whalers want to keep the Sea Shepard dudes out of rotten butter throwing range they should strap a live whale to the front of their boat with a sign hanging off it that says ‘Don’t come any closer or the whale gets it.’
Thats gotta cause a heated debate amongst the xtreme greenies.
I’ve also been having a think about butter substitutes for the Sea Shepards, incase their supplies go off again. The easiest solution is whale blubber. And where they go there is plenty of that lying around.

Thinking with your balls

Who said ‘Don’t think with your balls’? You know that feeling you get when you are standing on the top of something very high (I’m talking to men here). That odd tingly sensation in the mansack department? That is your nuts way of reminding you they are there. It is well known that nuts communicate via this tingling sensation. What they are trying to tell you is. ‘If you ever want to use us again. Don’t go any further!
So there you go. Perhaps sometimes you should listen to your nuts. I’m not saying balls have brains, just that sometimes they make sense.

Dolf Ludgren & Christopher Lambert. Harder to stamp out than Chlamydia.

They’re two of the enigmas of the movie world. How can two men be around so long and do so many bad movies?
I mean, if you do that many films. If that many suckers out there, are prepared to fork out the biggish bucks for you to run around in front of their 35mm cameras, surely you are gonna manage to do the odd film that isn’t complete and utter crap.
But not Chris and Dolf. No, those two acting legends have the ability to stick to shit like 2 ply toilet paper.
Was The Highlander just a fluke for Chris. Was he drunk when he read the script and forgot his golden rule of only go for cliché, bullshit plots with weak as storylines that have been pulled out more time than a Cher retirement tour.
Dolf never quite scaled the heady heights of something as good as Highlander. But Rocky 4 (or was it 3) didn’t completely blow. Wonder if he knew that would be his celluloid climax.
So Dolf and Chris continue to wreak havoc across big screens. But the real tragedy, the danger, are the DVD’s. Through this technology, these men have the potential to harm moive fans for generations to come.

Pet Rockology

Here are some interesting facts about Pet Rocks that you might not know. In fact know you don’t know them because I only thought them up half an hour ago.

Pet rocks were invented ages ago as a way to get kids interested in going to stonings.

Like Chiwawas you can keep your pet rock in your handbag.

Volcanic rock doesn’t make good pets. It’s too hard to paint the eyes on.

Historic pet rock moments – When David killed Goliath with a sling, he used his pet rock.

A big pet rock is still referred to a pet rock. Not a pet boulder. Except in Italy and some parts of China.

Pet Rock names – Calling your pet rock ‘Rocky’ is lame. A better name would be Sylvester or Stallone. Another clever name is Hudson.
If you have 2 you can call the second one ‘Roll’

NASA has 3 pet rocks the Apollo astronauts bought back

You can paint the eyes on your rock any colour you want. But never paint a mouth cause those bastards don’t shut up.

Until 1961 it was illegal to give a pet rock a girls name.

It is still illegal to own a pet rock you can’t lift. That is why no one had painted eyes on Ayers Rock.

Colostomy Bag bollocks

They lied about the weapons of mass destruction and muddied the waters over the link between Saddam and Al Quieeeda.
But here’s something you probably don’t know.
A colostomy bag…….. is in fact a pouch.
That’s right. Not a bag at all.
I can see the reason for the subterfuge. I mean when you say bag you imply decent storage capacity. A pouch? Well the only thing that’s good for is a flint and a few spare arrowheads. A pouch is what Granddad keeps his clip on sunglasses in. And his poo as well apparently.

Thing is. If they have fudged the facts about something as important as colostomy POUCHES.
What else are they lying about.

…… makes you think eh