Monkeys rampage in Indian capital

They have huge problems in New Delhi. As well as 35,000 sacred cows and buffaloes that roam free there are packs of wild monkeys going ‘ape’ Just a few weeks ago the capitals deputy mayor fell to his death fighting off a pack of the crazy little nutters. But last weekend something set them off on a rampage through a neighborhood in East Delhi. Could it have been the story about the stranded bananas in the North Sea? Monkeys love bananas and the thought of thousand going to waste would be enough to push them over the edge. Especially because it happened in Holland. It is well known that there is no love lost between the Dutch and monkeys.
New Delhi really only has itself to blame. Unemployment is rife among the New Delhi monkeys. The only occupations available to them are in the Zoo and as contestants on Indian Idol. The Zoo only ever needs about 10 monkeys at a time and their singing is shit so they never get past the first audition of Idol. The result is packs of bored unemployed monkeys roam the streets looking for trouble and the Internet where they can read stories like the one about the beached bananas.

Goin Bananas in the North Sea

Tragedy in the North Sea this week as thousands of bananas washed up on the beaches of two islands. Fruit experts suspect mass suicide but there could be another reason. Bananas have an incredibly sensitive sonar system that they use for navigation in the water. This is one of the reasons for their high potassium content. Potassium is an important ingredient in fruit sonar. But experts think that sometimes the system can get out of balance and the result is the bananas swim for land.
Bananas swim in bunches with one bunch leading and the other bunches following. If the lead bunch has a faulty sonar system the result is the tragedy that unfolded in the North Sea.
Residents rushed to the beach to aid the stranded fruit. For hours they threw the fruit back into the ocean but the stubborn yellow critters came swimming back. Because they are naturally bent they don’t swim straight so the bananas kept stranding themselves further down the beach making repeated rescue attempts more time consuming. In the end the locals gave up and a local fruit shop owner began loading the stranded bananas into his truck.