If my blog was a pot plant it would be dead by now

June 3 was my last update. Me poor old blog has withered and died from lack of attention. Partly distracted this week by the Tour de France. Lovely scenery. Bit like taking a close up look at Rod Stewart's model railway set. I love pro cycling. A place where men who like to shave their legs can be together without being judged. I dont know if banning the steroids is worth it. They all seem to want to use them so why not just let them. Be kind of cool to see incredible hulk type characters peddling away. I wonder if thats why they wear latex? So their bodies can expand.
Loving the cold war spy action thats been goin on with the yanks trading some russian spies for some of theirs. I hear that part of the deal was that the CIA tried to get the Russians to take David Hasselhoff, Kenny G and Paris HIlton but the Russkies refused.

Here's a link to me talking about stuff to In Business magazine. I made it to the cover as well. It's my first cover. Always hoped it would be French Vouge but this will do.

The Crap Pack

It has all turned to custard for Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. Or the Crap Pack as I like to call them.
Lindsay has been in more rehab centers than watchable films in her short life. And now it looks like Britney might be joining her to get weaned of the jack and coke, and coke. Apparently Britney Spears mother Lynne received an anonymous phone call last week, tipping her off about the singer's drug taking.
Oh really? Are you telling me Lynne didn’t know? Don’t they get TV reception in her trailer park? Doesn’t she read magazines?
Paris did jail time instead of rehab but now she has announced she is off to Rwanda. Has someone told Pars there are no Prada, Gucci or Mui Mui stores in Rwanda? Maybe she isn’t going there for a handbag. Maybe she is gonna pull a Madonna and adopt a 3rd world kid to replace her tiny dog. Or maybe they will both have to squeeze into the same handbag. If she is only going there for a photo op couldn’t she just get someone to build a fake Rwanda set in Hollywood. If some of Paris’ emaciated pals spent a few extra hours on the tanning beds they would look just like the starving children in Rwanda. As if poor old Rwanda doesn’t enough problems now they will have to put up with the Platinum princess wafting through the country handing out copies of her porn tape. But maybe this could be the thing that brings the Hutu and the Tutsi together. (Has someone told Paris that these are tribes and not new types of perfume?) Maybe they can stop killing each other and learn to hate a common enemy. Bimbo American socialites who use dirt poor African nations to make themselves look good.

7 Blunders of the modern world

At a star studded ceremony in Masterton New Zealand (star studded because it was held outside at night) The winners of the 7 blunders of the world were announced. Voters from around the world were invited to write their nominations on the back of used car park receipts and attach them to carrier pigeons. Perhaps it is a reflection of the fact that it is hard to find reliable carrier pigeons these days because only 8 submissions were received and the ink had run on one of them ( I think the pigeon flew threw a rain storm). So here they are.


Y2K
2000 US Presidential Election
The UN
The invasion of Iraq
The multi tune car alarm (WaaaWaaaWaaa DooooopDoooooopBeengBeengBeenb!)
Turning Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan into celebrity status
Aspartame

Pity poor Paris

We’ve seen Paris Hilton in her bikini, in Las Vegas, in crappy films, in a porno and now we might see her in jail. She’s been in thousands of bars now she is going to be behind bars. For driving her blue Bentley while disqualified. In the real world when you are fighting a prison sentence you hire a lawyer. In America you hire a publicist. But prison wouldn't be the end of the world for Paris. It can do wonders for your career. Just ask Martha Stewart. Everyone thought Johnny Cash did jail time and it just made him cooler. Maybe jail time will have an effect on the tone of her music (that could only be a good thing). Perhaps her lawyer could ask for a reduced sentence if she promises to take her album off the market and not to make music every again. Unless it is the soundtrack for another porno. Maybe she will come out with a new perfume – Freedom or Innocence. Paris’ mate Nicole Ritchie should get arrested (that wouldn’t be too hard) then they could make a new series of the Simple Life. The Hilton in Paris could theme some rooms like her jail cell and call it the Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton experience. When she gets out she can release a range of high fashion prison jumpsuits.
The judge says it was arrogance on Paris’ part. That she considered herself above the law of the common people. But she is. That’s why someone has started a petition to keep her out of jail, ‘Because she provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.’ The petition just might work. In America money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy innocence. Just ask OJ and Michael Jackson.