Nigerian Scam Emails. A new course.

I got this email the other day. In fact it came to me twice and I’m excited. I have blogged before about the dire state of the Nigerian Email scam business. Their need to change, evolve with the market. Stop banging out the same old stories. That’s why this one was a breath of fresh air.

From: Captain J. M. K.
Efax:- +1-773-337-9207
Satellite Phone:- +88-216-210-156-56
Mobile:- +966-595-178-607
Private Email:- captainjmk@gmail.com

Dear Sir:

My name is Captain J. M. K. of the USS Cole (DDG 67), during one of our expedition, some pirates were intercepted on the High sea about 30 miles from the coast of Yemen by my team and some huge of money were recovered from them.

This money has been shared among some of us who are privy to the information and I really want to move my own share to safe custody and also for any viable investment.

Nothing much is requested from you except TRUST and MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING, as I am ready and willing to transfer my own share of this money to you for safe keeping and further disbursement while you will be given some percentage for your effort.

If you agree to assist me in this transaction, do let me know so that I can give you more information.

I will really be expecting your urgent response.

Regards

Captain J.M. K.


This email marks a huge step forward for those scamming pricks. It has pirates, the US Navy, a sexy enigmatic main character in Captain J.M.K, and it’s based on a topical event. You can’t make this shit up … well, ok , you can, but I’m hooked. Really. I feel like responding and then sending them the money they will no doubt need to free up the funds, just to reward them for their extra efforts. Ok, so the English is still a bit ropey. I imagine that the captain of a guided missile destroyer has a better grasp of the written word, but then again, knowing the dire state of America’s education system, maybe not. And fuck it, the gullible bastards that fall for this stuff wont notice anyway. Good on you Nigeria email scammers. Good to see you responding to the tough economic times.

Having a blast in the Leb

Been thinking about guns a bit lately. This week, Mikhail Kalashnikov the inventor of the AK47 turned 90. If I had a choice between being the guy who invented the AK47 and the guy who invented Velcro, I would pick the AK47. I hope someone made him a cake shaped like an AK47 with 90 little candles that look like bullets. Actually, I bet he got that when he turned 47. That would have been funnier. Speaking of guns, I had a shooting weekend in Lebanon. Brilliant fun. Car loads of unshaven men roaring into the Beqaa valley with trunks full of guns. The humble Matwa was the target. Bigger than a sparrow, smaller than a pigeon. Fast little buggers and they have a habit of flying low. Hundreds of men standing in fields, blasting away. What could possibly go wrong? A few things as it happened. The count at the end of the weekend was 1 dead and 9 injured. And I’m not talking about the Matwa. As a result the Lebanese government has banned the sport. It was already illegal but none of the soldiers or police at the numerous checkpoints on the way into the valley seemed to care that we were all off for a few hours of bang bang. It will be a different story from now on they reckon so I’m glad I got in there last weekend.