Coldplay and rubbish bags in Abu Dhabi.

Top performance by Cold Play in the grounds of the 7 star Emirates Palace last night. Dug the surreal lightening display that went on throughout the gig. Guess it was Gods way of saying, ‘Stuff Earth Hour I don’t turn my lights off for no one.’ Unfortunately with the lightening came rain. I don’t mind rain at an outdoor gig especially in the Middle East because it’s warm rain. It’s warm like the water the hairdresser uses to wash your hair. You know how they hold the little nozzle under their hand till the temp is just perfect and then they start washing? In the Middle East the rain god does the same thing before he dumps a deluge on you. Millions of little drops of urine temperature water plopping down on you. Back in the 90’s at the one-day cricket at Eden Park, before they banned booze sales in the second innings, you did used to feel the same thing, except it was drops of urine falling out of the sky. Well, out of the cups of the guy’s 12 rows back.
No, I don’t mind rain but some people do. They mind it so much in fact that they would rather wear rubbish bags than get wet. Who started that retarded trend? Which genius decided to cut holes for arms and head and throw on a plastic bag? Probably a pissed guy who was trying to dress up as a homeless guy for a joke. But it caught on! Do concert goers read the weather report and think ‘Might be chance of rain. Better put a giant rubbish bag in my pocket? The Cold Play concert was carbon neutral apparently. I guess the thousands of rubbish bags on their way to the landfill today don’t count.
Great gig from a top band but the sound seemed a bit crap for a while. There was this staticky hiss in the air. Then I realized it was the sound of hundreds of rubbish bag wearing plonkers rustling in time to the songs.

Elton John. The bumblebee of pop

Based on its design, the experts that know about these things, say a bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly. But it does.
I was thinking about this while I watched Elton John perform live at The Emerities Palace last night. As a rule I don’t go to see performances by people who have a first name as a surname but the ticket was free, so what ya gonna do?
They had a camera set up on the edge of the piano giving the audience a wicked close up shot across the piano keys and the thing that really stood out was just how chubby and short Elton’s fingers were. It was like looking at a close up shot of a hobbits hand. How could those little fingers master a keyboard so well? The scientists and I don’t have a clue but they did.
Elton is getting on now, and so is his audience, which may have explained the lack of energy in the crowd, but it was a good show. Elton’s drummer looks a lot like Oliver Stone and Elton is looking more and more like Dame Edna without the wig every year. Dame Edna without the wig is Barry Humphries I guess, so I could say Elton looks like Barry wearing silly glasses.
By the way, in case you were thinking about it, Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. Not only because it is as cold as hell, but apparently the school fees are astronomical.