Cheers Boris.

Russian embalmers are famous for their work. Take Lenin. He has been lying in state for 83 years and looks fantastic. I don’t think they’ll need to worry about the embalming fluid with Boris, not with the amount of Vodka he consumed over his life. Funny how you can go to jail for driving a car drunk but it is ok to get behind the wheel of a country completely pissed. I always thought it was cool how Boris gave a speech from on top of a tank. George W says he is a ‘War President’ but the best he could manage was a talk on the deck of an aircraft carrier that looked like he was in the car park of a local Mall. He should have been straddling a cruise missile with ‘suck on this Saddam’ painted on the side. Unlike Boris, George doesn’t drink. He gave up booze years ago. Scary eh. Look at the mess he has made of his job completely sober. Kind of gives you newfound respect for Boris.

Surge. Not a European hairdresser. Just the Presidential bullshit machine working on the war in Iraq?

So here’s how it went down. A few months back Bush and his brains trust were sitting round a big table. Probably made of American oak and decorated with lace doilies made by his mum when his dad was in office.
‘Mr President. You know how back before you invaded Iraq those army guys said you needed to go in with more troops but Rummy said bollocks? Well it seems they were right. It’s all gone FUBAR and we need to send in more troops.’
Bush was busy playing with one of the Doilies. There was bottle of water sitting on it and he was trying to see if he could pull the doilie out from under it. Luckily one of his advisors was listening.
‘Troop build up. Are you crazy? The American people wont like that one little bit. That will make it sound like we aren’t winning the war and we have already told them we are winning the war.’
Everyone in the room agreed, except George W who was still concentrating on his doilie trick.
Then someone suggested they bring in the bullshit machine. It’s on wheels because it gets moved around the Whitehouse so much. The words ‘troop build up’ and ‘escalation’ were fed into the machine and it did its thing. Its ‘thing’ only takes a few seconds. That’s what you get when you spend billions of black budget dollars.
‘The word you are looking for is ‘Surge’ said one of those automated computer voices.
‘Yes!’ shouted the President. ‘Perfect.’
Everyone agreed, but it turned out the President was talking about the fact he just whipped out the doilie without knocking the bottle over. No one noticed. They knew ‘surge’ was a great word. It implied a short-term increase. You wouldn’t need extra troops for a short term if things were turning to shit would you? Then the brains trust realized their only problem was how to get the public to pick up on the phrase. That was easy. They just fed the word ‘surge’ into an even bigger bullshit machine. The Media. And it worked. Every news presenter you see on TV refers to the ‘surge’ instead of what it really is. Why? Well because all the other news people are doing it.
Speaking of build-ups and escalation, after his success with his doilie trick George W decided to up the ante and try it with a bigger bottle of water. He is pretty confident he’ll be able to pull it off (or out in this case) and has already had a new ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner made up