Michael Jackson. What a bum.

I don’t want to speak ill of the dead but he isn’t really dead is he. Like Elvis, MJ will live on in the collective memories of loyal groupies forever. Guys like him don’t go to heaven I reckon. They head to a special celestial PR firm. The fact he was a kiddy fiddler seemed to be counter balanced by his catchy pop songs. Maybe people would like OJ Simpson more if he had had a few radio hits. There is no doubt that Jackson was a tragic figure, too many people made too much money off the guy and that ultimately ended in his death. 50 gigs in London. What a joke. For me the thing that will always stand out is the fact he had paid someone to have a miniature version of his bum attached to his chin. I wonder if all the plastic bits get unbolted once he gets to the other side. Goodbye Michael. May you rest in pieces.

Who ate all the Eminems?

America loves to kill what it loves. First Elvis now Eminem. Marshal is the new millennium model of the King. A working class white boy that took black music to heady commercial heights and made a shit load of cash in the process.
Elvis was like the living embodiment of everything that’s wrong about America. He went from svelte and good looking to a bloated, over dressed, drug and deep-fried bread stuffed with peanut butter and banana, fuelled caricature of himself.
Now it seems Eminem is heading the same way. Hopefully not with the same eating habits.
Apparently he’s stacked the weight on. About now he’ll be thanking his lucky stars that his wardrobe mainly consists of trackies. Not leather suits or tight jeans.
But maybe there’s hope. Elvis died before we were blessed with reality TV. I smell an opportunity for a savvy network executive to create a show to help Eminem fight the flab. Marshal’s record company could also tie it into the recording of his next album.
If poor old INXS could be tricked into being part of the musical necrophilia that resulted as they tried to rekindle their 80’s glory by hunting for a new Michael, then I am sure Eminem can be persuaded to mount an exercycle while he bangs out some new rhymes.
The weight lose journey could be seamlessly integrated into the album making process. For example, all his videos could feature him running and dancing. One of his tracks could become the new Jenny Craig TV ad jingle. He could record a duet with Aretha Franklin, she could do with losing a few kg’s. It could be a fatty helping fatty inspiration track. Maybe a hip hop infused cover of ‘That’s what friends are for’.
When the album comes out Eminem can hit the talk show circuit to talk about the benefits of healthy eating and weight lose. That crap goes down a treat on Oprah and Doc Phil and by doing it a whole new audience would be subtly sold on the new album.
If the fatty rap TV/album thing works, maybe we could try and save Britney.