Mr Potato head is 60 years old. That he has out lived his arch nemesis Doctor Atkins must make him feel pretty good. Bet he laughs about that at night while he sits on his couch in his Darth Vader costume watching Toy Story 1 & 2 on DVD over and over again.
(article I just wrote for MEdia Week ME)
Yet another survey has come out proclaiming that when it comes to trustworthiness, ad men rank way down on the list. Lawyers are down there with us, and my mum, who has one of each, forced our sister to become a social worker to try and offset some of the bad karma. You know who should be dwelling in the cellar with us? Dentists. First plaque, then tartar, then they discovered you have to clean your tongue. Your tongue? People actually fell for that. I bet, in their defense, dentist’s say it was the evil ad men that put them up to it. Quite possible I’m afraid. But it would have been the strategists.
Anyhow, in the Vegas household right now we’re introducing our 6-year-old daughter to the twice-daily rigors of, round in circles, round in circles, up and down. But what I really feel like saying to her is, ‘Listen honey, don’t stress about it, you’re gonna lose them all anyway. They’re baby teeth. Save your effort for the next set.’
The other pearly white lie that comes into play when you have a kid is the tooth fairy. That winged angel of deceit. As if parents aren’t being extorted for enough cash these days, for the 55 million versions of Brat Dolls or My Favorite Ponies, we have to stump up money for every tooth the little one loses. How about instead of cash, we leave our kids a coupon under the pillow instead - $2 off the $10,000 mummy and daddy will have to have to fork out to get your second lot of teeth straightened. It’s only a matter of time before kids work out that a solitary coin per tooth just aint gonna cut. They’ll start holding out for more and once one parent gives in, all the rest of the kids in the class are going to start putting pressure on their parents. With this in mind, I have plans to set up a service to help remove the growing financial threat of the tooth fairy. For a small fee you’ll be able to buy my kit to use the night your child puts out their first tooth for collection. In the morning, little Tommy is the first witness at the scene of a tragic accident. It will appear that the tooth fairy, in her eagerness to get away with her haul, mistook the ultra clean glass for an open window. But it wasn’t the crash that killed her. Or the fall to the bedroom floor. It was when she impaled herself on little Tommy’s tooth. In an effort to keep costs down, the model won’t be super realistic. I am counting on the fact that little Tommy will be so traumatized, that he wont want to get to close to the crash site. But just to be on the safe side, parents are advised to dispose of the evidence quickly. Explain to your little Tommy, that in the unlikely event of an accident, the Tooth Fairy had asked to be buried the same way as the goldfish, and then race for the bathroom. Like Santa, there is only one tooth fairy. So the beauty of product is that only one parent in each class or neighborhood, has to do the deed. Once Tommy spreads the word about the demise of the tooth fairy to his little mates, none of them will expect to see her at their place. Although we’ve had trouble with trying to create a fake blood that matches the viscosity of fairy blood, I expect to have ‘Fairy Fatality’ ready for launch in a few months. Got a problem with your kids eating too much chocolate at Easter? I’m also researching ideas for simple mishaps that could befall basket-carrying bunnies.
