Shootin in Beirut. But not bullets

I’ve been in Beirut for a few days now and I got to say, it is a cool town. The town that wouldn’t die they called it on account of all the fighting that has gone on here over the years. Every third building looks like it has a bad case of acne, but it’s not. They’re bullet holes. A plasterer could make a lot of money here touching up buildings. Or maybe not. Perhaps no one bothers because they know their walls will only get pocked again. I hope not.
If Beirut were a person it would be the really friendly cool guy or girl that everyone likes, but who has had a long run of real bad luck but who everyone hopes is going to be able to get back on his or her feet.
Like a lot of Middle Eastern towns this city looks like it could do with a good clean and a new coat of paint, but if they painted it now it would probably be camouflage. The army is all over the place, manning roadblocks and generally looking really bored. That’s on account of the recent troubles with Hezbollah and the fact they have a new president. Dangerous job, being president of Lebanon. 6 days one of them lasted before he was assassinated.
I was surprised to see tanks and armored vehicles parked round the city, but after being on the roads for a while you see why. Nothing quite says ‘get the hell out of my way like a tank appearing in your rear view mirror. There are way too many cars in Beirut and nowhere to park, but if you’re in a tank, you can park anywhere, on anything.
Apart from the cool people, cool bars, great food, amazing weather, great shops and general cool vibe, you know what I really like about this place? Everywhere you go you see little plastic chairs outside on the footpath. Sometimes there’s just one, but usually there are two or three. And men sit in them from early in the morning, till late late at night and they sit and watch the world go by and shoot the shit. Which is probably something they couldn’t do back when there was real shooting go on.
If you’re wondering about the photo of the tank, I wasn’t trying to be arty. They army get funny about you taking pics of them and they have guns so I didn’t want to argue. I think they also have maps because they were really helpful when it came to giving you directions.

6 degrees of separation.

It’s a small world. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want to be in charge of mowing the lawns, but it is small. For instance, I met a guy whose girlfriend’s ex boyfriend went out with Amy Winehouse. Now my friends will able to say ‘My friend met a guy whose girlfriend’s ex boy friend went out with Amy Winehouse. This got me thinking about my other 6-degree stories.

Like my friend whose wife once went out with a guy who had gone out with the chick who was in The Style Council.

I also met a guy whose girlfriend stayed in the house that was the house of the ex girlfriend of Seal, and she got to sleep in his old bed.

I work with a girl who had a flat mate who took a course with a guy who worked in a furniture design company near where Brad and Angelina lived and one day they walked in.

I work with a bloke called Habib and his sister is married to a guy whose brother used to date the daughter of the wife of the current President of Lebanon, before she was his wife.

And I once worked with another guy who used to know a guy who flatted with the dwarf who was the Ewok who jumped on the storm trooper who fell off the speeder in the chase scene on the Ewok planet in Return of the Jedi.

You just couldn’t get stories like this if you lived on a planet that was any bigger.