MY NEW BOOK IS OUT NOW

If you only buy 83 books this year, make sure Printmen is one of them. If you liked my stickmen books as much as my mum did, you will love this. Unless you hate fingerprints made into little people say stupid stuff, in which case you will hate this book.

HERES WHAT THE EXPERTS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE BOOK THAT HAS THE WHOLE WORLD TALKING*

‘If the guys from Weta can work out how to animate this, I’ll make the movie.’
P Jackson

‘Get out of my hotel room or I’ll call the police!’ J K Rowlings

‘Jesus. They made a book out of that?’ the Pope

‘How did you get this number?’ Barack Obama

‘How did you get this number?’ Osama Bin Laden

‘I have no fingerprints. They were burned off in a fight on a planet of lava with Obi Wan Kenobi.‘ Darth Vader

*for the purposes of this post 'the whole world' is defined as my immediate family.

Did they shave their legs on the Death Star?

I know this all happened along long time ago in a galaxy far away but why did the guys in the firing room on the Death Star wear helmets? Was there a concern that they might bump their heads on something? The Death Star was still being built. It was technically a construction zone I guess. But how come the Admiral of the fleet didn’t get to wear a helmet. Him and his mates had to wear naff looking cloth caps that made them look like play mobil characters.

Perhaps there’s another reason behind the big black helmets. They look very similar to the ones worn by Olympic indoor cyclists.

Could it be that the team in the firing room were sportsmen who worked on the death star part time, attracted by the flexible hours that allowed them to get out on the track? If so, this raises alarming questions about the standard of the people the dark side were hiring.
Mind you, I can see the thinking behind hiring cyclists. They shave their legs and that would have made slipping into the tight black pants that were standard Death Star Issue, a lot easier. But I wonder… when the little man on the left pushed the button that activated the beam that blew princess Leigh’s planet of Alderon to hell, was he thinking, ‘A thousand voices are about to cry out and then be suddenly silenced, and I’m the man.’ Or was he thinking about shaving a few seconds off his lap time at the velodrome, or, shaving his legs?