Tomorrow’s pirates

Back in the day pirates struck fear into the hearts of sea travelers across the globe. Black Beard, Long John Silver. These were scary men. But they must be turning in their unmarked deserted island graves now when they see what has become of their bloodthirsty terrifying tradition. I wonder how Black Bart would have reacted if someone had told him that by the 20th century dressing as pirates would be a favourite for 4 year old boys celebrating their birthdays. Rather than the wind blowing across the deck of the cake it is the blowing out of candles that happens now. Yo ho ho and another plastic cup of lemonade for little jimmy then out to the sandpit to dig for buried treasure.

300 hundred years ago it would have probably been considered in bad for a kid to have a pirate party. I wonder how little Johnny will celebrate turning 5 300 years from now? Nautical themes will always be popular, so maybe Japanese whaler birthday parties will be the big thing. Dad could turn the garage into the deck of a Japanese whaler and pour fake blood all over the floor and after a glass of non alcoholic sake the kids could play pin the harpoon on the humpback.

Lindsay Lohan Rehab Part 2

Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab so now I know of more rehab centers she has been in than movies. That is kind of sad. Not just for Lindsay but for me too because it shows I have an addiction to crap tabloids and gossip rags.

Bombing Iran. Be part of the action and buy the soundtrack.

Cost money to bomb the hell out of foreign countries and the Pentagon in an effort to soften the blow on the American tax payer without compromising the blow to the Iranians has formed a record company and they plan to release a soundtrack album to their upcoming attack.
The theme song will be a rerecording of the 80’s hit by the Flock of Seagulls ‘I ran’. Other tracks on the album may include Saturday Nights Alright for fighting but this depends on the bombing happening on a Saturday. If it happens at the start of the week it will be ‘Tell me why I don’t like Mondays’ but recorded by a popular Iranian singer.

The soundtrack to the war is just the start of a plethora of self-funding plans that are being implemented to make ‘War pay its way’. An exciting use of technology is the plan to install web cams on the cruise missiles to allow viewers to experience a first hand look at the leveling of Iran’s nuclear sites. ‘Go in with the first wave’ is the slogan for the cruise cams. The beauty of these little babies is they are programmed to detach moments before the missile hits. The camera then parachutes down to earth and becomes a bomblet, which will explode when the emergency services turn up to look for the charred bodies of Russian nuclear technicians in the ruins. Cruise cam subscribers will have to pay more to stay logged on for the second phase of the operation.

Another exciting project being considered is sending in CIA spy drones to scrape up radioactive debris from around the bombsites and sell it off in special radioactive proof glass boxes on EBay. Be the first guy in your office to have a piece of Iran’s nuclear program on your desk. Cruise missiles make a big hole in the ground but they don’t need to make a big hole in the American taxpayers pocket thanks to the bean counters at the Pentagon.