If my blog was a pot plant it would be dead by now

June 3 was my last update. Me poor old blog has withered and died from lack of attention. Partly distracted this week by the Tour de France. Lovely scenery. Bit like taking a close up look at Rod Stewart's model railway set. I love pro cycling. A place where men who like to shave their legs can be together without being judged. I dont know if banning the steroids is worth it. They all seem to want to use them so why not just let them. Be kind of cool to see incredible hulk type characters peddling away. I wonder if thats why they wear latex? So their bodies can expand.
Loving the cold war spy action thats been goin on with the yanks trading some russian spies for some of theirs. I hear that part of the deal was that the CIA tried to get the Russians to take David Hasselhoff, Kenny G and Paris HIlton but the Russkies refused.

Here's a link to me talking about stuff to In Business magazine. I made it to the cover as well. It's my first cover. Always hoped it would be French Vouge but this will do.

The 2-minute noodle conspiracy

I remember when 2-minute noodles hit the streets in New Zealand in the 80’s. Literally. Maggi put them in letterboxes in my neighborhood. That was one of the perks of living in a middle class ghetto like Pakuranga. People were always sticking stuff in your letterbox for your mum or dad to try. Mostly mum. We got a lot of fabric softener. Although they’re completely lacking in nutritional value, 2-minute noodles tick 2 of the more important food group boxes. They’re cheap and fast. But have you ever wondered why they are still 2-minute noodles? Are you telling me that over the last 25 years they haven’t developed the technology to shave a few seconds off the preparation time? Look at the 100 meters record since the 80’s? Now I’m not saying they should put steroids in the noodles but I cant believe in this modern, time poor age, that the two-minute noodle industries resources haven’t been focused on reducing the time factor. Or have they?
Rumor has it that a backyard inventor came up with a simple way of turning 2 minute noodles into 1 minute noodles. What happened to this new noodle? It was bought by one of the big 2-minute noodle manufacturers and hidden away. Why? Because the 2-minute noodle magnates want to keep you dependant on their product and avoid the costly expense of changing all the packaging from 2-minute noodles to 1-minute noodles. And they are banking on the fact that most of the people that reach for their product are drunk and don’t stop to think that they could be getting their noodles faster. But can we afford not to? We are all conscious of global warming these days. Think how much warming the pot on the stove with the water for the noodles is responsible for. Now imagine if we halved that? That’s right, 1 minute noodles could halve global warming instantly. When you realise that you understand we cant afford not to have 1-minute noodles in the kitchen.

You’d be a dope to be a professional cyclist

Shock horror! Another cyclist on the Tour de France has failed a dope test. Well pass the puncture repair kit Pierre. Why don’t the bosses behind men’s cycling just dispense with the pretence and embrace the fact that all their boys are chocka block full of roids.
Why fight it? If the competitors are so eager to use them, make it mandatory. They should still have dope tests, but if there are no traces of steroids found in the cyclists blood or wee wee, that’s when they fail!
It is a tough sport to be a part of. Grown men have to shave their legs to compete. Do you have any idea how much they get hassled by other professional sportsmen? Is it any wonder they try to ease the pain with huge horse sized hypodermics full of pedal power.
Cycling could do with the edge. It’s a boring sport. The only good bit is when you see those massive pile-ups. I think it would be hilarious to see roid raging riders with thighs as thick as 8 year olds pedaling round the Europe.
I imagine if the doctors were allowed to dope at full dose? A professional cyclist could end up looking like the Incredible Hulk. Come to think of it, the Hulks pants look like cycle shorts. Maybe he used to be on the tour.