Friday, February 8, 2008

Elevator bollocks

These new stickers appeared in the lifts in my apartment building this week . They have the word Meld at the top. Naturally your thoughts immediately line danced to the Vulcan Mind Meld and Spock. But the words underneath quickly point you in another direction. Straight down.
Meld is the Mitsubishi Emergency Lift landing device.
I think maybe the sign is meant to reassure people the in the unlikely event of a malfunction the lift will land safely. But it had the oppisite effect on me.
I understand air bags. Cars have prangs and in that situation, an airbag is better than no air bag. But lifts aren’t supposed to plunge to the ground floor are they? Except in the movies?
Why the need to install emergency landing devices in lifts in a building that is one year old? And why wait one year?
What exactly is, an emergency landing device in a lift? Will oxygen masks drop from the ceiling? Even if the lifts craps out on the top floor I don’t think I could get a mask on and then my child’s before it hits the bottom.
Maybe the emergency landing device is just a really big spring. That would work wouldn’t it?
But then you could have a sign saying 'This lift is fitted with an Emergency Lift Landing Spring.' But you would probably use the word device because it sound more high tech. Thing is, you just don’t hear about lifts failing and crashing do you? So why the sudden need to comfort people? Is it a sign of things to come? Is the pressure to keep construction costs down resulting in cheaper more dangerous lifts? Has some bean counter worked out it is more cost effective to install a crappy lift with a safety landing device, than a proper lift that doesn’t need one? Maybe start seeing signs in the foyers of buildings that’s read ‘RELAX. WE’VE HAD __ DAYS WITHOUT AN ELEVATOR FATALITY

No comments: