Turkmenistan. Name change or sex change.

I had never really given a thought to Turkmenistan until last weekend when I met a guy form there. Then today in the paper I see the Prime Minister of Turkmenistan is in town on a visit. I see the signs, I get the hint. The universe is telling me ‘Peter, draw attention to the plight of the poor population of Turkmenistan. So here it is. I feel sorry for Turkmenistan. It reminds me of Alexis Arquette the not as famous sibling of Patrica, Rosanna and David. Did you even know that Patrica, Rosanna and David had another brother? Well they do and he’s a transvestite. And that’s the link with Turkmenistan. When you are surrounded by bigger more famous relations than you it is hard to stand out. There are just so many stans in the region. Afghanistan and Pakistan hog all the limelight. But Borat recently put Kazakhstan on the map and it just makes me feel sorry for the people of Turkmenistan. Even the front of their name is already being used by someone else. Apparently stan means state, but if I were the Prime Minister of Turkmenistan I would make some drastic changes.

Maybe not as drastic as Alexis. It is hard for a country to have a sex change. It would be really expensive and everyone at the United Nations would laugh and say mean things about them. And no one would want to sit next to Turkmenistan in the general assembly. Anyway, it didn’t out that well for Alexis. The most famous member of the Arquette family is probably David and that’s because he married Courtney Cox from Friends. A country like Turkmenistan probably doesn’t have the cash or the flash to marry a cast member of Friends, so perhaps the simplest solution is a name change. Cut that little thing right off and toss it away. (Which might be what Alexis did too.) Remove the stan. While they are at it they might want to loose the Turk bit as well. That aint working. Keep men, so there is a connection to the old name, but add woman to give it equality. Men and woman? Ok, it needs a bit of work, but that’s why you pay flash London branding agency loads of money. They’ll come up with a cool name and a logo. Then the hard work begins. Some poor sod will have to go around and write the new name on all the Turkmenistan souvenir tea towels, fridge magnets and oven mitts that are on sale at the airport. That is the main reason countries seldom do the name change thing. But in the case of Turkmenistan I think it is worth it.