Why polar bears cant retire.

Another story in the paper today about the disappearing ice at the North pole. But last week there was a story that they found ice on Mars, so doesn’t that kind of cancel things out. The universe giveeth and the universe taketh away type thing.
The only thing that bums me out about the ice disappearing is the poor old polar bears. If you were a typical polar bear couple and you bought a little section of ice in the 70’s, its melted away to fuck all now. There goes the retirement nest egg.
There was a polar bear at Auckland zoo in the 80’s who started turning green. It wasn’t the lack of ice I don’t think. They painted the concrete white to make it look like ice and the polar bear probably really liked that. Ice without the chill. When he told his mates back home they probably thought he was tripping and his green fur would have confirmed that for them. I think the green was caused by a fungal infection but maybe he was from mars. They have ice there.
They also found out that the soil on mars is perfect for growing asparagus. So guys, if you are in the loo and you see a little green man he might be a human in fancy dress. But if his wee wee is really smelly, then there is a good chance he’s a martian.