Easter Bollocks, Muffin bollocks

All the evidence tells us it is only a matter of time before life forms form another planet make contact. And we need to start thinking about planning for their arrival. This is a complicated planet. Take muffins for instance. Why aren’t they called small cakes? Cause that’s all they are. Is it because if you told your mum you wanted a small cake for breakfast she would clip you on the ear. Did the cake companies get together and decide to create ‘muffins’ as a way of tricking people into eating cake for breakfast?
And what about Easter. What do you have? A guy who was nailed to a cross till he died. A whole lot of bunnies and chocolate eggs…WTF! I understand that what we have here is a hotch potch of different traditions thrown into the celebration blender and given 2 minutes on high speed. But that’s no excuse! We need to sort this shit out otherwise, before you know it, aliens will come and check us out then go home and piss their pants telling stories to their alien mates about our messed up ideas.
I’m not talking about big overhaul, just a reordering of the main ideas so they form some kind of theme. You know the New York artist who did the big chocolate Jesus on a cross. He had the right idea. Chocolate is popular with the kiddies so lets run with that. But bunnies and eggs? Bunnies don’t lay eggs and I think it’s confusing for children. Chickens lay eggs, but they are so boring. In my house we have the Easter Turtles. Turtles lay eggs. Loads of them. I saw it on Discovery. So the Easter Turtle brings you more eggs. Plus they lay them in the sand so it is fun to dig for them.
But where do the chocolate eggs tie in with the crucifixion? When JC rose on the 3rd day did he ask for eggs for breakfast? Could that be the link? And they just made them chocolate for the kiddies. Why can’t you get chocolate crosses? Because of Vampires I reckon. You approach a Vampire with a chocolate cross who has a sweet tooth, then all he has to do is take one bite and it aint a cross anymore. I imagine that is one of the main reasons chocolate crosses have never taken off. Also melt to fast to make wearing them around your neck an option.
There are crosses on the buns. That makes sense. Hot and cross. Much the way Jesus must have felt when he realized he was going to have to take the rap for our sins. The bread is a nice tie in with the bread from his last supper although they had that with wine so it probably didn’t have raisins in, like hot cross buns do. Speaking of raisins… they look a lot like rabbit poo. Could that be the bunny link we need. Now if we can find evidence that they used colourful tin foil 2000 years ago we just might have cleared this mess up.