Mr bollocks

So I am on this road trip this weekend. The missus and the sprog are asleep, but I want to listen to some tunes up loud. Cunningly I had prepared for the eventuality as I had packed my trusty I shuffle.
Problem was, that when I loaded it last week I was in this Lah De Dah reflective, sunny mood where I felt like listening to acoustic strummy tunes and it was filled with stuff by David Gray and James Blunt.
Do you think David Gray wants to kick James Blunt’s arse, cause he was like the easy listening pommy guitar troubadour back when Blunt was fanging around in a tank and then as if traveling overseas and killing people at the tax payers expense wasn’t enough fun for one lifetime, he drops his camo gear, picks up a guitar and suddenly Blunt is the new Grey…….…or do they just shake hands when they meet at industry functions and say stuff like, ‘I really like your lyrics man, lets find a really fucked up African country and write a duet for them. Flick some of the royalties their way, get our photo taken with some skinny kids and score ourselves a few centimeters of exposure in Time magazine.

Anyway…back on the road what I really wanted to listen to was some loud guitars and if I couldn’t have then I didn’t want nuttin, so I dumped the shuffle and decided to think up
all the ‘Mr’ products I could.
Mr Chips, Mr whippy, Mr guy that cuts your keys whose name I cant exactly remember. I think it was Minute. And then I thought of Mr Mister Mister, the band, who as far as I know only ever had one hit. I could google them to find out more but I’m not really interested to be honest. In fact the Mr game lasted about as long as it took you to read about it. Wonder where they are now? Probably gearing up to play New Years Eve at the Niagra Falls Holiday Inn. ‘Take, these golden wings, and learn to fly, something, something,… up so high……again….. blah blah blah.

That was it really….That was what I thought I would write about. Obvioulsy looking back now I am not sure why I bothered, but when I started out I didn’t know it was going to end up like this did I? Bit like ‘You’re Beautiful’. I’m sure James didn’t mean that song to be such an annoying f#&*ing waste of 3 minutes and 33 seconds. So count yourself lucky by my reckoning you’ve only spent about 1 minute and 27 seconds reading this. Maybe a bit longer for all you slow readers who never had the gumption to invest in the speed reading course for only 39.95. Actually it will be a bit longer than 1 minutes 27 seconds because when I timed it I hadn’t put in the bit about the speed-reading course. I only thought of that now and I can’t be arsed going back and reading this again. I have proper stuff to write. Tonight it is a short story about a gold fish that works in a sex bar in Thailand but really wants to be a pilot. True story. Well it isn’t obviously. But it is one of the sort stories I am putting in me book. So that's something to look forward to. That and the New Years Eve Buffet at the Niagra Falls Holiday Inn. Brilliant apparently.