When the bombs go up bums, the terrorists win.

After 911 you couldn’t take box cutters on planes. The metal knives on the in-flight meals were replaced with plastic ones but strangely the airlines decided that forks would never be a weapon of choice for terrorists. If an Arab gentlemen in his 30’s tried to board a plane with a few balls of yarn and a half finished crew neck jumper confiscate his knitting needles by all means, but was a general ban on an item mainly carried by little old ladies necessary? Things got annoying when the guy with the bad facial hair tried to blow up his sneakers on a flight from Paris. Suddenly we all had to start taking our shoes off. And then last year the alleged uncovering of a plot to make a bomb on board a plane by mixing liquids meant we couldn’t take moisturisers, water or liquid of any kind through security. Thing is all this security is really about the airlines making the travelers feel safe. As if any terrorist is going to waste his time trying to put a bomb in a shoe or carry liquids on board now it is common knowledge. No. Mr terrorist is too smart for that. He’ll be planning something the authorities haven’t thought to look for yet. And that’s what scares me. How many ways are there left to smuggle dangerous stuff on board a plane. I can only think of one. Up the bum. Can you imagine if the authorities uncover a plot by terrorists to smuggle bombs on board hidden in condoms in their bowels? Drug mules do it with coke, so why not? And as we know from the liquids scare, it doesn’t even actually have to happen to set the authorities off. They just need to get a rumour of bum bomb technology to set them off. Overnight the way we feel about air travel will change. Some smart airports will no doubt try and put a positive spin on the new security measures. For instance they could tie in a complimentary prostate check for men but the only people who will be laughing are the terrorists and the people who make rubber gloves.