2-minute love

If my mate Grant sees this title he will probably think I am going to write about his exploits in the old Pit-O-Love with the ladies and more specifically the time he did it twice in a row.
But I would never use a public forum like this to embarrass a close friend.
I'm talking about a different kind of love. 2-minute noodle love. I was reminded of my love affair with 2-minute noodles about 2.30 this morning. Chicken flavour. That’s all we seem to have in our house. Kirsty buys them in packs of 5. Perhaps she isn’t aware of the plethora of other flavours that this magical meal comes in. At first it was just chicken and beef. But in much the same way that Metallica branched out musically and started performing with orchestras, the 2-minute noodle men worked to expand their flavour repertoire. Chicken & Corn, Tomato and my favourite. Fried Onion. I suspect fried onion was a customer suggestion. Probably thought up by a drunk guy at 2.30 in the morning in his kitchen… actually, come to think of it, it could have been me.
2-minute noodles are just interactive enough to give you the illusion you are preparing something to eat, as opposed to opening it. All you have to do is add the noodles to boiling water and stir in the sachet. But even that can be a stretch at 2.30. As I inhaled my noodles in the kitchen I thought was trying the new Wallpaper Paste flavour. Turns out I had forgotten to add the flavour sachet. The versatility of this fantastic foodstuff is that you can just stir it in as you eat.
My mate Jeremy was joining me in my early morning nosh up, so I was preparing 2 lots of 2-minute noodles. I’ve never prepared in bulk before but here’s something you might not have realised. When you are making 2 lots of 2-minute noodles you don’t have to cook them for 4 minutes BUT, you do need twice as much water. As Kirsty was kind enough to point out when I woke up this morning. Kirsty is hoping this new knowledge will help me avoid leaving a pot with a blackened layer of noodles on the bottom in the sink.
Did you know there is no nutritional value in 2-minute noodles? I don’t care. The interactive experience has huge educational value, so for me, 2 minute noodles feed the soul and at the same time happen to fill the space in your stomach that the hours of drinking couldn’t quite reach. Genius.

Global Warming Saves Lives.

Ok, so the hailstorms in Lebanon might not be a result of global warming. They have a hailstorm season every year. But how big does a piece of hail have to be to set off a bomblet? The answer to that question is as big as a walnut.

You know bomblets, they are the little bombs that come out of a cluster bomb and pepper an area the size of one or two football fields. The Cluster Munition Coalition (CMC) is campaigning for an international treaty banning cluster munitions.
But in the meantime the US and people she supplies munitions to like Israel are dropping them as fast as they can.
Last year in Israel’s war on the Hezbollah, hundreds of cluster bombs were dropped. Trouble is, a lot of the bomblets fail to explode and can remain dangerous for decades after the end of a conflict. The brightly coloured canisters attract children who often die or lose limbs when they pick the things up.
That’s why it was a nice change to se Mother Nature helping us out with some walnut sized hail this week that set off a series of explosions. Now if we could direct the XXL hail to danger spots around the globe we would have an eco friendly way of cleaning up the mess America is making in the Middle East.

Tooth Brush Bollocks

A had this magical toothbrush. It lasted for over 18 months. 18 months without the bristles losing their stiffness and bending over. It was still going strong when I left it behind in a hotel in Egypt. It was only after the loss I reflected on how long I had had it and how short a time a toothbrush usually lasts. But why is that? Are you telling me that with all the technology the teeth cleaning industry has at its disposal they can’t make a toothbrush that will last for say, a year? Of course they could. They’re little nylon bristles and lets face it, they don’t get much of a work out do they. 30 seconds twice a day at the most. And yet after a few months the bristles sag and the brush goes in the bin.
I reckon this is another version of the light bulb conspiracy. You think they can’t make a light bulb that lasts for years? Of course they can. But then the light bulb makers wouldn’t sell as many. So they keep us used to the idea that a light bulb needs to be replaced at regular intervals. Just like your toothbrush.
So what about my magic toothbrush? How did that slip through security and out onto the shelves. Was it a renegade toothbrush designer determined to put the pockets of the people first by working from the inside to develop the longer lasting toothbrush? Or just a design fuckup where someone on the phone to the manufacturers in China accidentally told them to use the good nylon. Bet when they found out their mistake the company rushed round and bought up all the offending brushes. Maybe they tracked me down to my hotel in Egypt and used some kind of mind control technique to make me forget to grab my toothbrush out of the bathroom before I checked out. There’s an idea for a movie in here. What am I wasting my time on this blog for ? I need to write it. See ya.

My new drinking initiative.

A week or so ago I made a decision to stop drinking everyday.
Well that plan turned out to be as successful as the launch of the George W Bush Spare Rib restaurant chain in Baghdad.
I was forced to revise my drinking initiative. Instead of the commitment to ‘Not drinking everyday’ instead I just don’t drink in the same place everyday.
I’ll be honest with you. It’s been tough. I am a creature of habit. I like my local but I am serious about changing my ways so I have found other bars to drink in. The upside of that is you meet different people. Last night I met a Dutch airline pilot and a Canadian airline pilot. They were both so dull they almost cancelled each other out, but that in itself was funny. Kind of like a really really really alternative comedy act. Mind you, I guess you want you airline pilots dull don’t you. Dull and serious. Serious about knowing all the button to push and how to land that big metal bird on the allotted piece of ash felt.
I met a pilot once at a party. He was pissed and I asked him about the rules regarding drinking. He said they were very strict. The rule he told me, was no smoking 24 hours before a flight and no drinking within 20 feet of the aircraft. Tough but fair.