Picking scabs. The Adult alternative.

That was one of the 12 cool things about being a kid. Scabs and the chance to pick them. The hole in your thigh, gouged out by a branch as you fell out of a tree, hurt like hell, but as the pain faded to a dull throb, there was the impending anticipation of the scab that would form. ‘Don’t pick it’ mum would say when she wandered past and caught you bent over, digging away with you index finger ‘ it will take longer to heal. Exactly. Why let your little crusty scab dry up and flake off? Where was the fun in that? Scab picking was a fine art. A lot like knowing when to harvest the grapes for a fine wine i imagine. If you picked too soon the pain was too much and it wouldn’t come away. If you left it too late, the sucker would have healed too much. If you got it just right, you could have all the fun and excitement of performing surgery on yourself and know that you could let it scab over and do it all again in a few days.
As you grow up you get less scabs. Maybe you get better at not falling over and hurting yourself. Maybe you just climb less trees and jungle gyms.
But there is an adult version.
You know when you by a new piece of electronic equipment. Stereo, clock, phone etc. And there’s that thin plastic film they put over the screen or casing to protect it? Peeling that off is the adult made equivalent, of scab picking.
Don’t you hate it when you see someone who has bought something, like a clock, stereo, phone etc and left the piece of plastic on? Why? So it can protect the screen? How can someone live with that piece of film in their life and NOT PEEL IT? Whenever I see one, and usually it is on someone’s phone, I whip it off. Stuff em. They had a chance to enjoy it themselves, but they forfeited that right when they owned the device for more than 5 minutes without peeling that sucker off.
One of the greatest feelings in the world is when you realise that there is plastic film on something that you hadn’t spotted before. This is usually on the casing of an electronic device. The casing is often black and you simply haven’t spotted the protective film. After a while it starts to peel, ever so slightly, at the edges. You spot it and think… could it be? You pick a bit, just a tiny bit, to see if you are onto something. It comes away under your nail and eureka; you know you’ve hit pay dirt. Oh the fun as you peel that large piece of sticky clear film off. Pure joy.

Farewell Fast Food Legend

2 years ago it was the inventor of instant noodles, now another great name in fast food has left the building.
Herb Peterson, inventor of the Egg McMuffin, mc died at age 89 on Tuesday.
I’ll be honest I wasn’t a huge fan of the item, but you have to admire the man for coming up with an idea that was able to hold its own on a menu where burgers and fries rule the roost.
The humble Egg Mc Muffin entered this world in 1972, around breakfast time I’m guessing, and for millions of customers around the globe it has helped take the edge of Mickey D’s average coffee.
Herb, your small, palm of the hand sized breakfast snack will live on as testament to the genius of getting people to go to a burger shop first thing in the morning.

In honour of Herb, I’m going to buy an egg mc muffin tomorrow, burn it and scatter the ashes over some obese people as they leave McDonalds.

And McDonalds, could I suggest a commemorative ‘Herb Egg Mc Muffin’ for a limited time?

P.S – Apple. How come Egg Mc Muffin isn’t on spell check? It should be.

Eurover.

The weak US dollar is changing the way people do business in the states. Recently a Rapper asked to be paid in Euros. The mighty greenback in on the wane. My advice to Fiddy cent. Get with times bro. Change your name to .322 Euros before you lose any more value.

A plague of bollocks

So there is a plague of locusts in Al Ain in the UAE. It was in the paper yesterday. The Government is warning people not to eat them because of the pesticides. Apparently they are yummy when they are roasted, which makes them popular. Flying finger food delivered direct to your door.
Must be hard being a locust, the first thing everyone thinks is ‘Oh, I bet god sent them’. No one ever gives locusts credit for going somewhere because a shit load of them just feel like it.
And spare a thought for poor old Larry or Louis Locust. No one ever sees them as individuals. They’re just part of this big flying mass of mouths. And no one would want to be one of the poor suckers at the back. When you get to a field, thousands have already munched out. Everything has little locust bite marks all over it. But you can’t go off and eat somewhere else. Oh no. Because then you wont be part of the plague. No, you have to stay in the group. ‘It’s a great way to see the world’ your parents tell you. That’s fine, if you’re flying on the outside of the plague. But not many locusts get to do that. Most locusts just see lots of other locusts. Above them, below them, left and right. Stay tight, stay in formation they are always being told. Got to keep up appearances. Got to look plaguey.