Rambo rambling

Saw Rambo 4 in the weekend and I was a little disappointed. A high body count doesn’t automatically make it a great film and this had a record 290 something. Apparently though it has done well at the box office and Rambo is gonna be back for part 5.
Hats off to Sly. 60 and still doing it on the big screen, even it is with the help of Planet Hollywood sized servings of human growth hormone.
To be a Hollywood heavy weight, a true mega star, you gotta have a franchise. Arnie had Terminator, Bruce Willis had Die Hard, Mel had lethal Weapon, Sly had Rocky and Rambo. What a legend.
Sly’s secret was taking roles where he got to show his biceps. Rocky, Rambo, Cliff Hanger, that one in the late 80’s where he was an arm wrestler. Judge Dread didn’t happen. That’s cause he had a long sleeved uniform. But Sly could afford to make a few bombs cause he had his two franchises to fall back on.
For Sly, dusting off the Rocky and Rambo franchises is the movie version of what the old music geriatrics like The Police, Led Zep and The Who have done. The baby bombers want to
Back to Rambo 4. The trouble with it for me, was it broke from what made Rambo great.
First Blood was about one man and a big fuck off knife, taking on loads of army guys. Same with Rambo 2 and three. Gook army guys Russian army guys. Rambo four had more gookish type blokes, in Burma this time. Truck loads of them, and they died well. But for some reason the writers felt the need to give Rambo half a dozen mates and he never went bush. We didn’t get that great scene where Rambo came out of the muddy bank with a knife. Rambo 4 was really just a chuck Norris film with extra servings of growth hormone.
For Rambo 5 they’re planning to take him back to America, so I hope it’s a back to basics Rambo. Give him back the knife with the secret compartment with needle and thread and make him go bush. Could I suggest they do a Crocodile Dundee part 2 on it and let Rambo loose in a big city. That could be cool. I’m working on my ideas for a draft of Rambo 5, which I am going to send to the producers. Don’t want money. Just one of Rambo’s hunting bows and his sweaty bandanna.
Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Yeah yeah, I know that's a Rocky line. But if you think about it all the lines from each franchise are pretty much interchangeable.

Frosties bollocks.

As an ad man I am always on the lookout for sponsorship ideas. Normally for my clients, but sometimes I just think of random ones for fun….. yeah, that’s right. The long winter nights fly by when you hang out with me.
So I had this idea.
Imagine if the Tamil Tigers, approached the makers of Frosties and suggested that Tony the Frosties Tiger, became their mascot. The Tamils could, for a large fee, put Tony on their uniforms. Maybe even incorporate him into their flag. It is a natural fit.
The Tamils are progressive and motivated. Not only do they have the standard guerillas running round blowing up things and sometimes themselves. They also have their own air force and navy.
Ok, so this might be a hard sell. Obviously you are going to polarize part of your potential market. For example, I cant see Frosties being served in the Sri Lankan government offices. But think of the new frosties devotees you would win over, in freedom fighter groups around the world. A great way to build share in those hard to reach 3rd world nations.
If the Frosties thing is a no go, maybe the Tamils should approach Tiger Woods about putting on a joint golf competition ?
I sent these ideas to the Tamils. I expect to hear back any day now.

Who ate all the Eminems?

America loves to kill what it loves. First Elvis now Eminem. Marshal is the new millennium model of the King. A working class white boy that took black music to heady commercial heights and made a shit load of cash in the process.
Elvis was like the living embodiment of everything that’s wrong about America. He went from svelte and good looking to a bloated, over dressed, drug and deep-fried bread stuffed with peanut butter and banana, fuelled caricature of himself.
Now it seems Eminem is heading the same way. Hopefully not with the same eating habits.
Apparently he’s stacked the weight on. About now he’ll be thanking his lucky stars that his wardrobe mainly consists of trackies. Not leather suits or tight jeans.
But maybe there’s hope. Elvis died before we were blessed with reality TV. I smell an opportunity for a savvy network executive to create a show to help Eminem fight the flab. Marshal’s record company could also tie it into the recording of his next album.
If poor old INXS could be tricked into being part of the musical necrophilia that resulted as they tried to rekindle their 80’s glory by hunting for a new Michael, then I am sure Eminem can be persuaded to mount an exercycle while he bangs out some new rhymes.
The weight lose journey could be seamlessly integrated into the album making process. For example, all his videos could feature him running and dancing. One of his tracks could become the new Jenny Craig TV ad jingle. He could record a duet with Aretha Franklin, she could do with losing a few kg’s. It could be a fatty helping fatty inspiration track. Maybe a hip hop infused cover of ‘That’s what friends are for’.
When the album comes out Eminem can hit the talk show circuit to talk about the benefits of healthy eating and weight lose. That crap goes down a treat on Oprah and Doc Phil and by doing it a whole new audience would be subtly sold on the new album.
If the fatty rap TV/album thing works, maybe we could try and save Britney.