Feeding time at the aquarium. And you’re on the menu.

(an article I just wrote for Media Week ME)

I took the little one to see the aquarium at the Dubai Mall the other day. The tank is impressive. I wonder how long it will be before an enterprising young creative team ask if they can stick an underwater billboard in there for a sporting goods store or water safety or waterproof cameras, blah, blah, blah.
Frankly, I thought the charge for walking though the tunnel was a rip off. The free view from outside was better. But the underwater zoo upstairs was cool. Notice how you always see the same collection of animals at a zoo. But at aquariums, there are always a few underwater freaks you’ve never seen in your life. You come out with the impression that the sea is full of teeth. Some small, some big, nearly all of them nasty. But on this trip I realized that the most dangerous sea creatures at the aquarium don’t even live in tanks. They have voracious appetites and they only feed on one thing. You and I. The Scientific name for this deadly family is – Giftsandsouvenirs. But there are a wide variety of sub species. Cuddly Dolphin, Bendy Crab key ring, Squeezey Bath Turtle. I fell victim to a nasty little glow in the dark crayfish necklace.
These dangerous creatures of the deep hunt in packs and they choose their feeding ground smartly. Rather than chase their victims, they lie in wait near the exit, and let you come to them.
A parent’s first instinct, upon realizing they’ve stumbled into a Giftsandsouvenir feeding ground, is to run. But these cunning creatures are too smart for that. They arrange themselves in bins, racks and shelves, forming an intricate maze that makes it impossible to get out without going past the final kill zone. The cash register. The whole time, the desperate cries of your child are ringing in your ears. You know that to ignore them will only trigger louder ones, so you give in and that turns the cries into squeals of delight. Annoyingly, these squeals tend to die out fast. Often before the end of the car trip home. It seems the potency of a stuffed sea creature, is related to its proximity to the Aquarium gift shop. But the sting in your wallet can last for days and that is evil genius of the oceans most lethal creatures.