The faulty jumping penis and other plastic tales.

I saw these day glow giant shrimp salad servers the other day in one of those gift shops rich husbands let their wives start up to give them something to do. The salad servers were made in China. It got me thinking about the guy who makes them. What does he tell people he does for a job. He wouldn’t say, “I make day glow salad servers shaped like giant shrimps.” He would sound like a dick. He probably says, “I’m in the plastics industry”, or “Manufacturing” or “The food service industry”.
But I bet the guy that makes the Manchester United salad servers tells everyone he is making Manchester United salad servers. They love football in Chine. He would be a star. He’d be the popular guy at the party. People would want to try and be friends with him in the hope he would give them a set. Maybe the two salad server guys work in the same factory and in keeping with the old communist tradition of rewarding the hardest workers, the hardest workers get to work on the coolest stuff.
Dressing the spice girl reunion tour dolls would be a popular gig. So would working on the Bratz doll production line. Or the My Little Pony Lunch Box with built in water bottle production line. The most unpopular job would be taking the sharp bits of plastic off the Chinese communist party headquarters Lunchroom chopsticks.
No one wants to see a pair of those in their Xmas stocking. “Hey kids look what I bought you home from the plastic factory. Chopsticks”. In Chinese plastic factory worker lingo this kind of job is called ‘Sucky sucky’.
How about the x rated plastic products. What if you worked on the production line that turns out those little wind up jumping penises? How would you explain that to your mum?
I guess you would say you work in the novelty section of the factory. Would there be a tester for a product like that. A person who winds up jumping cocks all day? What kind of parameter would they have for pass and fail? Would the penis have to hop a certain distance to qualify for a pass? What if it doesn’t? Does it go in the jumping penis reject box? Does the box go in the lunchroom with a sign that says ‘Reject jumping penises. Help yourself’. Maybe the guy from the chopstick production line grabs a couple and inserts chopsticks in them and tells friends they are mobile chopstick holders. Might not be as warmly received as a set of Man U salad servers but it would get a few laughs.