Monday, May 14, 2007

What were the Eskimos thinking?

So the accepted theory is that man was born in Africa, got to his feet, grabbed a few things and wandered off around the world. That would make the people who live at the bottom of South America the fittest most motivated people on the whole planet. They just kept going. Through the Middle East, which wasn’t as hot and shitty back then as it is now. Across Asia up through Russia. They must have been a bit worried when things started getting cold. But they boxed on. Over the land bridge down through Canada into America. By now things were getting warm again and you might think they would settle for a nice bit of land in Malibu. But no. On they went in Mexico and down through South America right to the pointy bit. In hindsight they probably realised that they should have stopped in Malibu but I bet you none of the men that made it ever admitted that to their wives. Anyway hats off for all the hard work. South America is a cool place even down the pointy end. What I don’t get are the Eskimos. These people are the descendents of the people who got to where everything was totally ice and said ‘Hey you guys go on. We’re gonna stay here.’ Now Mr future South American naturally would have assumed his Eskimo mate meant he was going to have a rest and go back the way they came till they found somewhere they could live. At this point even Siberia would have been an improvement. Maybe that is what the Eskimos bloke has in mind. But he sat down, his wife unpacked their stuff and somehow they never got round to leaving. Full respect to them for managing to survive all these years. Making a home out of ice, sleeping on ice, cutting holes in ice to get to fish. They are a very hardy people, but why would ya? Even if one of the Eskimo phycics told his people ‘Don’t worry in a few thousand years they will invent the snowmobile and it will be a bit easier to get around. Why would they have stayed? Surely at some point an Eskimos must have said to his Dad, ‘Hey Daddddddd ad (he is shivering) Is the whole world like this?’ His dad would say ‘Actually no son, this is just as far as your great great great great great great great great great geart great great grandma and Granddad could be bothered going.’ At which point you would think the young Eskimo would throw down his seal pup fat flavored ice slushy and say ‘Sod this. Which way did my great great great great great great great great great great great great great South American Granduncle go?’

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