Nuts bollocks

I like nuts. Not only a good source of protein, but a dam good snack. In these carb conscious times you can rest easy with a bowl of nuts.
I like all kinds of nuts, but my favourite would have to be cashews. They taste better than peanuts. Maybe that’s why they cost a little more?
Peanuts are like your working class nut, but cashews are a little more up market.
And cashews are personalised. Not like peanuts that all pretty much look the same.
A cashew isn’t afraid to be a little chunky at one end or have a smaller bend. I admire their individuality.
Don’t get me wrong, peanuts are great. I’m just saying, a cashew is a bit more exotic. If there were two hot chicks in a bar, the peanut would be the local girl and the cashew would be from a former eastern block country, but with a decent grasp of English and not a hooker.
Almonds are nice, macadamias are ok, but the nut that wouldn’t be on my list if the wife said ‘I am planning a big party for you and you can invite 10 of your best friends and 4 of your favourite nuts’ is the pistachio. Those little suckers are just too much hard work. ‘An interactive nut’ That’s probably how the Pistachio nut growers would describe them. You have to jam your fingernail into the little gap in the shell. And sometimes you can’t find a gap so you toss the thing back in the bowl, but invariably end up plucking it out again a few minutes later. When you do get one open, what are you left with?
A shriveled up little thing that’s smaller than a peanut.
If scientists did the research, I’m sure they would find you burn more calories getting the suckers out of their shells than you get from eating them.
Maybe they should be sold as the dieters nut. Bet it would become popular with those eastern block models.