Flight deck fun

Big passenger jets can basically fly on autopilot all the way these days. From take off to landing. Must get pretty boring up in the cockpit on those long haul flights for the men on the flight deck. There is only so long you can compare your duty free purchases and listen to the pilot tell old air force stories.
The flight crew has hundreds of passengers sitting in their seats and an audio system that cuts in over the movies and music. That is a captive audience. So here are a few ideas for flight crews to help pass the time up in the friendly skies.
Soon after take off make an announcement asking if anyone onboard has a screw driver and a soldering iron and could they please bring them up to the pointy part of the plane. Wait a few minutes and then say, “Ok. Now screwdrivers or soldering irons on board. How about super glue or masking tape?’
The old ‘Is there a doctor on board?’ is an aircraft classic. But how about ‘Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. Is there an airline pilot on board? If so could he or she. Probably he. Please come to the flight deck. Thank you.’
Wait a few minutes then make another announcement. ‘Hi ladies and gentlemen. Me again. How about someone with experience flying any kind of plane?
A few minutes later.
‘Any micro light pilots with us today?’
And then a few minutes later.
‘What about anyone who drives a big truck or a bus? Anyone like that on board. If so please make your way up to the pointy bit of the plane…. Quickly’
The announcement thing is fun but some performers like to get face to face with their audience. Here are a couple of gags that will go down well if you want to leave the cockpit and go walk about.
Take a tape recording on board of a really loud part. Turn it on loud in the cockpit. Put some part streamers on your shoulder then open the door of the cockpit just wide enough to get out without the passengers getting a look in and pretend you have stepped out of the ‘party’ to get some air.’
Another good one is to step out of the cockpit with a half empty bottle of vodka and stumble down the isle to the toilet.
And finally if you want a bit of interaction. Walk through the aircraft with an open map. Every now and then, stop and look out the window as if you are trying to spot landmarks and ask passengers if they know what country you are flying over.
It’s probably only a few decades until pilots are replaced by high powered computers so if you are airline pilot or co pilot you don’t have a lot of time to have fun with these gags.